Every time you smile and laugh you glow, you don't even know...

After reading my last blog entry, it surprised me how much I've changed. I think about the boy I wrote about in my last entry and now, I'm grateful for all the things he did to me, good and bad. He was the first boy I loved, the first one who broke my heart, and I'm thankful for all of that, and everything in between. There's a first for everything, and I'm glad he was the one who did that to me. We are somewhat friends now, and can talk to each other without holding anything against one another.

I used to go through people and boys and sometimes compare them to him. The second I stopped, everything just made sense, at first. Then, there was another boy. At first, sure, I was scared. Once I warmed up though, we became best friends. I was glowing; happier than I've ever been. We weren't "together," but I finally had a best friend. I was okay with that, and slowly falling for him, but not admitting it. When I finally admitted it, I was glowing even more, because he liked me too. Slowly though, my glow faded. Nothing was happening. He liked me, I liked him, was he oblivious to what I wanted? Then, I noticed things. He was commenting boys, about how they were so "hot" and their "hair and eyes made him melt." And after maybe hearing him swear twice in the whole two years I've known him, he was swearing left and right. Acting more depressed. I didn't know what was going on! So, I asked him if he was gay. Bad thing to ask a guy, I know, but what was I supposed to think? And he was so mad at me, I could feel my heart breaking. I could tell I made a huge mistake asking him. Well, we're friends now, but everything just feels different. We're both stubborn, and refuse to admit anything is wrong, even though I know we both can tell. And there's a another girl that likes him, and talks to me about him all the time. She told me that he said he would consider going back out with her. Perfect for me....not.

Maybe, I have to realize that the best thing maybe is just to be best friends with him. Even so, I am making a list of all the reasons he is amazing to me. So far, I'm at 80.

Before I post the list, though, I have another message for you. There's always more fish in the sea. And what seems bad now, will probably turn into something good, later. If you believe and try, things will turn out ok in the end. Chin up! Things will always turn out better, even if you can't see it. And fight for the things you believe in, you'd be surprised at what you can accomplish. And now, for the list.

1. You let me do your hair that one day.
2. I can be my complete self around you.
3. We like the same music.
4. You can make me laugh more than anyone ever can.
5. You came with me to my recording thing when I was nervous.
6. You came to the talent show and watched me sing.
7. You are smart.
8. You asked me to dance at snowcoming/winterfest.
9. You are interested in photography.
10. We went to the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana concerts together.
11. You make boring school projects fun.
12. You’re not imaginary.
13. You give me butterflies.
14. You make me look forward to going to school in the morning.
15. You make me want to do better in school, or just in general.
16. We can go shopping together.
17. You are yourself around me.
18. You have some of the best hugs.
19. You act silly, like me.
20. You laugh at my jokes, even when no one else gets them.
21. You don’t do drugs, smoke, or drink.
22. You’re good at everything.
23. You can read my mind.
24. You blush when I say something cute to or about you.
25. Your smile can light up a room.
26. You are my best friend.
27. You follow me around sometimes.
28. You hum or sing to a song, and then deny it.
29. You can finish my sentences.
30. You inspire me to be my best, all the time.
31. You are tall enough, but not so tall as to make me feel extremely short.
32. We usually think of fun car games to play. “I went to a Chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of bread bread bread…”
33. People think we are perfect together.
34. You have dimples in your cheeks when you’re really happy.
35. You have AMAZING hair.
36. You help me on homework when I need help.
37. You love your family.
38. Our conversations could go on for forever.
39. You sound crabby when you answer the phone, but when you find out who it is you get happy.
40. You usually smile when I look at you.
41. You ALWAYS smell good.
42. You actually dance at the dances.
43. You sometimes get nervous around me.
44. You wear the shirt I got you for Christmas, and look really cute in it.
45. You listen to me talk, even if it’s about pointless things.
46. You are competitive.
47. We always “argue,” but you’re usually right.
48. You’re cute when you get nervous.
49. We can have fun doing absolutely nothing.
50. You have a horrible memory, but remember everything I tell you.
51. You’re ticklish.
52. Your eyes sparkle.
53. No one else thinks our inside jokes our funny, even when we explain them.
54. You’re unique, unlike anyone else I have ever met.
55. My parents trust you.
56. You danced with me at the winter carnival, even if no one else was.
57. My family likes you, they tease me about you.
58. You get distracted easily.
59. You always cheer me up.
60. Whenever I talk to you, I always end up saying something stupid, but you ignore the stupidness and nervousness of it.
61. You make the time fly by.
62. We tease each other all the time.
63. We are both very sarcastic.
64. You are a good writer.
65. It felt good when we held hands.
66. We ran through the rain together.
67. You make me smile; I can never stop smiling when I am with you.
68. You get 100% on the quizzes I make about me.
69. You are a random person.
70. You look really cute when you dress up.
71. ….or when you just dress casually, like usual.
72. You always want to be in my group, I never don’t have a partner.
73. You let me tell you the same story over and over again.
74. You like bowling and golf.
75. You hate having pictures taken of you…but love it at the same time.
76. You sometimes let me pet your hair, when no one else is watching.
77. You share snacks with me.
78. You are extremely talented at etch-a-sketch.
79. You have a love for Oreo pie and Starbucks.
80. You make me “glow.”

Superstitions arent meant for lovers...